New Osiris
A coldness filled the warm, dark room. Not cold as in wind or air, but a feeling of death, gloom, loss. Jenny felt the cold blade rest against her warm, tender flesh. She’d bit her lip if her mouth wasn’t gagged. Tears stung her eyes but she could still see her surrounding, blurry or clear.
The fire crackled in the fireplace, giving the family room (if she would consider this a family) warmth and little light. Sitting on a rocking chair, gently rocking was her grandmother, chanting from a large book as if she was praying. Her white hair dwindled to almost nothing, her wrinkles deepened in the dim light. As she softly spoke, her lips caved in where her teeth were missing. In front of the rocking chair, like an obedient puppy, sat Jenny’s elder brother Jack. He was pale, almost as a corpse in a coffin, his eyes sullen and he was without a shirt. Hieroglyphics littered his body, and on his chest a crook and flail was proudly displayed.
The elderly grandmother stopped speaking, her eyes lifted from the book. Lightening flashed in the window, thunder shaking the foundation of the house. Jack went from an emotionless statue to a silent phantom of movement to his sister. She was only seven, but she attempted to break free of her bounds like an amazon. Nothing. She laid helpless as the blade that rested at ease on her side, was picked up for malicious intent. Dark eyes of a creature stared at her with her brother’s face. She was never afraid of Jack’s pale features, not until he started listening to their grandmother.
“The essence of sibling rivalry shall create the catalyst for your reincarnation,” the grandmother breathed, with whispered cackles. “Your ancient brother killed you in the previous life. Now take her life for yours to be returned.”
Jenny tried to scream, but the gag wouldn’t let her. She felt the sting as the blade traced her chest in the shape of a crook. The grandmother let out cackle madly as lightening flicked constantly as her blood began to drain. She began to read the book in her hand out loud. Jenny didn’t know what language it was for sure. Her blood smeared her brother’s face. He was just ten years old, but living on a farm gave him practice how to do bloodletting.
She began to drift on the edge of unconsciousness. She could hear a new sound, this time not thunder.
Police officers stormed into the room as Jenny’s eyes closed. Jack looked back at the officers, their guns withdrawn. He let out a smile, his teeth and gums dripped with the blood of his sister. The grandmother continued to chant. The police chief walked in, as if knowing what to expect. His round eyes went from the smiling Jack to the chanting grandmother. He just shook his head, as if ashamed. One of the officer’s checked the body of Jenny.
“We have a pulse, chief!”
“Chief, what are your orders?”
He didn’t answer. All he could do was look at the boy, who seemed contempt. He walked to Jack, who remained still.
“What’s your name, son?”
The grandmother laughed, “His name is Osiris! Osiris walks among us again!”
I’m interested to see where you’ll take this.
You might want to do a typo hunt & clean this up, it’s worth cleaning. Try reading it bottom to top to break up the familiarity, it helps me.
Bottom to top is a good idea, actually. Thanks for the advice.
And yes I am interested to see where I take this too, lol.
Very brooding and dramatic. I read the opening paragraphs out loud in a sort of drunken half-Tim Curry, half-John Waters.
That does sound scary, lol. Tim Curry in Muppet Treasure Island or Rocky Horror Picture Show?
And thanks for the feedback. It’s my first horror.
Creepy children doing evil things! I love this! I’m glad that there’s going to be more! Just a small poke. Lightning, not lightening. I love this! Can’t wait to see more!
Straight in with the creepy action with this one W.G. A great image of the gagged girl and crone certainly set the tone. This has a real power to it.
Thank you, Jason. Sometimes I creep myself out, lol.
A rather shocking beginning. I think the prospect of being murdered by a loved one is even more terrifying than being murdered by an enemy. Powerful stuff.
Just one thought, which character’s point of view is this written from? Through most of it, it seemed to be written from Jenny’s point of view, yet near the end this became inconcistent as she drifts out of consciousness, and you start to get into the head of Jack. You might want to break it out (with a few lines of white space) so that the arrival of the police is a separate scene from Jack’s point of view, or maybe the policeman’s point of view.
Thank you for reading.
As for the PoV, I was going for a third person.